Word: Palindrone: noun: a person whose unflinching support of the Republican party causes them to blindly celebrate Sarah Palin as John McCain's vice-presidential nomination, regardless of her lack of qualifications for the position.
"If you keep on believing these things they tell you, you'll be one step away from becoming a Palindrone."
Showing posts with label Miscellaneous Rambling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Miscellaneous Rambling. Show all posts
Thursday, September 11, 2008
New Rant!: Failing Analogy 101.
You've seen the videos of Obama saying "you can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig." And you've seen the outrage, the claims from McCain's camp calling him a sexist. And the media stoking the flames for ratings.
Well, here's the problem with all the outrage--you don't know what the hell you're talking about. The analogy is that Palin is the lipstick and the McCain/Bush politics are the pig.
Thanks for playing, though. Now please go back to voting for American Idol and leave this politics shit to people who can formulate a coherent thought. (Or this guy, who is leagues ahead of any other Fox News watcher I've met.)
(Oh, by the way, McCain used the same analogy when discussing Hillary Clinton. Of course the Librul Media was equally outraged by this blatant sexism, too...)
Well, here's the problem with all the outrage--you don't know what the hell you're talking about. The analogy is that Palin is the lipstick and the McCain/Bush politics are the pig.
Thanks for playing, though. Now please go back to voting for American Idol and leave this politics shit to people who can formulate a coherent thought. (Or this guy, who is leagues ahead of any other Fox News watcher I've met.)
(Oh, by the way, McCain used the same analogy when discussing Hillary Clinton. Of course the Librul Media was equally outraged by this blatant sexism, too...)
Monday, August 25, 2008
New Band!: (cli)Che Geuvara
(cli)Ché Geuvara is preparing for our first national tour! Our band attire will be Castro hats and Commie-green jackets with black boots and blah green military fatigues adorned with left-leaning political buttons. We will sing our folk-rock anthems with background Buddhist love chanting. Our fiddles and violins will be in drop D tuning* and on tour we will stick to fucking only pseudo-intellectual hippie chicks. We will tour the county singing for art fags and retirees in bourgeois cafes and old folks homes. Our albums will be sold online for whatever price you're willing to pay (+ $5.99 shipping and handling) and our songs will bring joy and unity to breadlines across the nation.
Keep an eye out for us in a town square near you!
(* Now accepting applications for tandem tamborinists and a classically trained, acid jazz-influenced harmonica player. Please see our official website for details.)
Keep an eye out for us in a town square near you!
(* Now accepting applications for tandem tamborinists and a classically trained, acid jazz-influenced harmonica player. Please see our official website for details.)
Friday, August 22, 2008
New Rant!: Middle America's Guide to Being Patriotic
Middle America's Guide to Being a Patriot
Step 1: Surround yourself with American flags. On your clothes, on your envelopes, on your toilet paper. Doesn't matter, just whatever you do, do it more than anyone else and make sure everyone knows it.
Step 2: Be related to people who were or are currently in the military. (Note: It it not necessary for you yourself to have ever served. Military service by proxy is good enough.)
Step 3: Be white, Christian, Republican, poor, and willfully ignorant. It also helps to be third generation American or better.
Step 4: Forward Anti-Obama spam messages quickly, often and with zero regard for who you or are forwarding them to.
And there you have it, the four easy steps to being a true patriot and a good American.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
New Travelog!: World66 Maps
I just stumbled across an interesting site called World66. Here's a map of the US state's I've visited. I'll update this as soon as I get back on the road. Which, hopefully, will be around August or so.
And here's the map of the countries I've been to:
Not much to brag about, obviously, but hopefully there'll be more red splashed around in the nearish future.
And here's the map of the countries I've been to:
Not much to brag about, obviously, but hopefully there'll be more red splashed around in the nearish future.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
New Someone Else's Idea!: On Socialized Healthcare
Stolen from a conversation on Fark.com: An eloquent response to a dumbass response to this article about health insurance providers:
ScubaDude1960: Insurance companies have to take in at least as much as they pay out. There is no free lunch, and medical costs are going up. If you don't like your policy, cancel it.
/has spent over $300,000 on medical bills.
*
Cagey B: Priceless. The person who had three hundred grand to shell out on medical bills telling us about "no free lunch".
We in the United States live in a system where we have no problem letting the government police our cities, fight our fires, keep our planes from falling out of the sky, build our gigantic freeways, prosecute our wars, and countless other things that profoundly affect our day-to-day lives and, you know, keep us from dying.
But when it comes to medical care? We seriously believe that you judge a person's right to treatment for serious illnesses based on their bank account. We have no problem with the premise of "No money? Well then you can die."
How fortunate for you that you could shell out that sum on needed medical services (unless it was cosmetic surgery, in which case you can go DIAF right now). If you hadn't that sum of money, by your very own admission, you wouldn't be allowed access to those services. Hopefully someone would come and tell you "no free lunch" as your tumor grows.
You understand that there are vital services in this country that are done by the government because either there is no way to turn a profit and do a satisfactory job, or because profit should not be the main motivating factor in providing services, right? Unless you're truly one of those assholes who thinks the police should privatized, you understand that you are part of a larger society, right?
So, unless you want what is in effect a system where the poor can go die because of the fact they are poor, there must be at the very least some sort of government intervention here. Perhaps preventing someone in the insurance industry from effectively not serving the people who are in actual need of the services that they have agreed to pay for every month, perhaps that would be a good start.
You may very well want a system in which poor people die simply by dint of the fact that they weren't rich enough. And before anyone else chimes in on this one, medical services, especially to people who, you know, get sick, are not some frivolous consumer good that can be done without. No one is saying that everyone gets to drive a Mercedes, or gets to have a 50" television. But the right to not suffer and die simply because of class should be one that we recognize. If you are one of those people, I'm done talking to you. You will not be reached, and refuse to live up to any of the responsibilities (and yes, as a member and beneficiary of society you do have them) to your State. Go move to Somalia, rugged individual.
For the rest of the conservative types, surely you recognize that there are at least some essential government services, necessary to life and limb. Medical care is one of those things that we need to have if our lives aren't to be cut shorter in the face of the resources to do otherwise.
If you're concerned about government intrusion, as this administration has shown you to rightly be, why not do something about it? Instead of being intractably against it, why not be a part of the planning process?
Are you concerned about cost overruns? You should be, taxpayer resources are vitally important and should be treated with respect. There are ways to make financial workings transparent, with proper oversight, to make sure waste and fraud don't occur. I can think of many Republicans who would be very good at functioning within a health care system and ensuring that money goes where it should.
Are you concerned about the quality of care? Again, get involved. Set standards. Hold doctors and administrators accountable. Keep up the oversight. Make sure that patients get the quality of care they deserve. It can be done. There are areas for compromise here. There are ways to harness the power of existing companies within an existing framework, even.
But man. What is currently going on, and the growing number of people's lives who are negatively affected and ruined by this situation, it is not acceptable by any standards. ANYONE'S standards. I sincerely hope that in time, our Republican and conservative friends can see this.
ScubaDude1960: Insurance companies have to take in at least as much as they pay out. There is no free lunch, and medical costs are going up. If you don't like your policy, cancel it.
/has spent over $300,000 on medical bills.
*
Cagey B: Priceless. The person who had three hundred grand to shell out on medical bills telling us about "no free lunch".
We in the United States live in a system where we have no problem letting the government police our cities, fight our fires, keep our planes from falling out of the sky, build our gigantic freeways, prosecute our wars, and countless other things that profoundly affect our day-to-day lives and, you know, keep us from dying.
But when it comes to medical care? We seriously believe that you judge a person's right to treatment for serious illnesses based on their bank account. We have no problem with the premise of "No money? Well then you can die."
How fortunate for you that you could shell out that sum on needed medical services (unless it was cosmetic surgery, in which case you can go DIAF right now). If you hadn't that sum of money, by your very own admission, you wouldn't be allowed access to those services. Hopefully someone would come and tell you "no free lunch" as your tumor grows.
You understand that there are vital services in this country that are done by the government because either there is no way to turn a profit and do a satisfactory job, or because profit should not be the main motivating factor in providing services, right? Unless you're truly one of those assholes who thinks the police should privatized, you understand that you are part of a larger society, right?
So, unless you want what is in effect a system where the poor can go die because of the fact they are poor, there must be at the very least some sort of government intervention here. Perhaps preventing someone in the insurance industry from effectively not serving the people who are in actual need of the services that they have agreed to pay for every month, perhaps that would be a good start.
You may very well want a system in which poor people die simply by dint of the fact that they weren't rich enough. And before anyone else chimes in on this one, medical services, especially to people who, you know, get sick, are not some frivolous consumer good that can be done without. No one is saying that everyone gets to drive a Mercedes, or gets to have a 50" television. But the right to not suffer and die simply because of class should be one that we recognize. If you are one of those people, I'm done talking to you. You will not be reached, and refuse to live up to any of the responsibilities (and yes, as a member and beneficiary of society you do have them) to your State. Go move to Somalia, rugged individual.
For the rest of the conservative types, surely you recognize that there are at least some essential government services, necessary to life and limb. Medical care is one of those things that we need to have if our lives aren't to be cut shorter in the face of the resources to do otherwise.
If you're concerned about government intrusion, as this administration has shown you to rightly be, why not do something about it? Instead of being intractably against it, why not be a part of the planning process?
Are you concerned about cost overruns? You should be, taxpayer resources are vitally important and should be treated with respect. There are ways to make financial workings transparent, with proper oversight, to make sure waste and fraud don't occur. I can think of many Republicans who would be very good at functioning within a health care system and ensuring that money goes where it should.
Are you concerned about the quality of care? Again, get involved. Set standards. Hold doctors and administrators accountable. Keep up the oversight. Make sure that patients get the quality of care they deserve. It can be done. There are areas for compromise here. There are ways to harness the power of existing companies within an existing framework, even.
But man. What is currently going on, and the growing number of people's lives who are negatively affected and ruined by this situation, it is not acceptable by any standards. ANYONE'S standards. I sincerely hope that in time, our Republican and conservative friends can see this.
Monday, February 4, 2008
New Someone Else's Idea!: On Evolution
Someone else wrote this response to the argument of Evolution vs. Intelligent Design, but it's worth reposting, as it's far more articulate than anything I can come up with:
I haven't read this thread, but I stopped getting worked up about this issue a long time ago. In the grand scheme of things, the fact that large numbers of Americans disbelieve in evolution is completely insignificant, except for the fact that this will be another eventual historical "black eye" on our nation, not unlike our treatment of Native Americans and the institution of slavery. So Clem and Billie Jo from down by the railroad tracks believe that the Universe was created in its present form 6,000 years ago. So what?
I've said this before, but scientific theories rise and fall on the basis of how well-supported they are by the evidence. They do not rise and fall on the basis of public opinion. If a poll were taken today that indicated that the majority of Americans no longer believed in gravity, the planets would not spiral drunkenly into the interstellar void, freed from billions of years of Newtonian imprisonment by a disbelieving public. Science just doesn't work that way.
Scientific advancement in several key fields may have stagnated in America, but let's not pretend that we were on the top of the heap anymore anyway. The advancement of science and of the knowledge of mankind will continue unabated, and if America is no longer able or willing to carry the torch, somebody else will. Internally, I can say that my own children will be given lots of exposure to math and the sciences -- if not by their teachers, then by myself -- and there's nothing that the self-appointed "guardians of morality" can do about it. If you want your children to end up as ditch-diggers, then more power to you; we need them, even in this day and age.
All of that having been said, I do consider religious fundamentalism to be anti-American and, in general, a threat to the American way of life. The lessons of the Cold War taught us that a real commitment to science and technology can produce a generation that would end up winning that war for us. And now that we face a threat that many would consider more grave than the Soviet Union, that lesson has been forgotten by many Americans, who are now descending into a frenzied pit of religious fanaticism, not unlike their fundamentalist brethren on the other side of the globe -- the same people they claim we're at war with. It's lunacy. And we may have to endure some proof of its lunacy before we set America back on the right track again.
God, it's frightening to think of where this country is going to be ten, twenty or fifty years down the line.
I haven't read this thread, but I stopped getting worked up about this issue a long time ago. In the grand scheme of things, the fact that large numbers of Americans disbelieve in evolution is completely insignificant, except for the fact that this will be another eventual historical "black eye" on our nation, not unlike our treatment of Native Americans and the institution of slavery. So Clem and Billie Jo from down by the railroad tracks believe that the Universe was created in its present form 6,000 years ago. So what?
I've said this before, but scientific theories rise and fall on the basis of how well-supported they are by the evidence. They do not rise and fall on the basis of public opinion. If a poll were taken today that indicated that the majority of Americans no longer believed in gravity, the planets would not spiral drunkenly into the interstellar void, freed from billions of years of Newtonian imprisonment by a disbelieving public. Science just doesn't work that way.
Scientific advancement in several key fields may have stagnated in America, but let's not pretend that we were on the top of the heap anymore anyway. The advancement of science and of the knowledge of mankind will continue unabated, and if America is no longer able or willing to carry the torch, somebody else will. Internally, I can say that my own children will be given lots of exposure to math and the sciences -- if not by their teachers, then by myself -- and there's nothing that the self-appointed "guardians of morality" can do about it. If you want your children to end up as ditch-diggers, then more power to you; we need them, even in this day and age.
All of that having been said, I do consider religious fundamentalism to be anti-American and, in general, a threat to the American way of life. The lessons of the Cold War taught us that a real commitment to science and technology can produce a generation that would end up winning that war for us. And now that we face a threat that many would consider more grave than the Soviet Union, that lesson has been forgotten by many Americans, who are now descending into a frenzied pit of religious fanaticism, not unlike their fundamentalist brethren on the other side of the globe -- the same people they claim we're at war with. It's lunacy. And we may have to endure some proof of its lunacy before we set America back on the right track again.
God, it's frightening to think of where this country is going to be ten, twenty or fifty years down the line.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
New Rant!: I Tipped My 40 For Good Ol' Gordie
Last week Mormon church president Gordon B. Hinckley passed away at the ripe old age of 98, and Utah Governor Jon Huntsman Jr. orders flags to be flown at half-staff. And I'm not talking about that ho-hum Utah State flag, but Ol' Glory herself, the flag of the US of A.
Can someone please tell me how this doesn't offend every single member of our Armed Forces? Everyday our soldiers are risking their lives for this country. Whether or not you agree with the war or Bush's foreign policies shouldn't take away from the fact that this guy never served in the military, never held any major office and was by no means a prominent politician, and yet the Governor of the state is honoring his service to our country more than their sacrifices.
Separation of church and state has been a myth for quite a while, this is just a big slap in the face to remind us of that.
Can someone please tell me how this doesn't offend every single member of our Armed Forces? Everyday our soldiers are risking their lives for this country. Whether or not you agree with the war or Bush's foreign policies shouldn't take away from the fact that this guy never served in the military, never held any major office and was by no means a prominent politician, and yet the Governor of the state is honoring his service to our country more than their sacrifices.
Separation of church and state has been a myth for quite a while, this is just a big slap in the face to remind us of that.
Friday, February 1, 2008
New Nonfiction!: Our Efficient Government
A bunch of months back I got a ticket for not yielding for pedestrians during a sting operation one of the most dangerous streets in LA (in my defense, there were no lights, no signs and the position of the crosswalk wasn't standard; also, I did stop--twice--but the cop didn't care, he was a dick). So I get the ticket and, being homeless and living in my van at the time, it was the least of my concerns so I forgot about it.
Later, I forget to pay the fine on time. Or I didn't pay it because I couldn't afford it. Either way, never paid.
Even laterer, after I get an apartment in Hollywood that has roaches and asshole landlords and a stink that never goes away, I get a notice warning me of my license being revoked if I don't take care of the ticket by such and such date.
Such and such date arrives, so I get up early (like 5:30 ish) and make my way to the courthouse. I park down the street at a meter and drop in a couple quarters. It's crowded with Mexicans and Black folk who aren't dressed like they're about to talk to a judge. They all look mean. I'm in line, outside this very bulky nine story building that has extravagantly used these neat little rocks to cover the entire outside, all the way around and up and waiting in line for so many hours I wondered just how many mountains were killed for this building to be dressed in a nice coat like that. Then I thought that there should be an environmental organization that works like PETA, but I realized that could never work because they couldn't get Pamela Anderson to show up on billboards wearing only rocks.
So I finally get inside and I talk to a clerk at a window and that woman asks me if I'm here to pay and I says to her, No, I'm pleading not guilty. So she sets up a date for me to arrive in court--8/30 at 8:30--easy enough to remember. So then I leave and discover the meter was up and I'm given a $45 ticket.
Skip ahead two months. I wake up early (this time, 5:45) and I go to court. I get lost because this time I don't have the address. Also, I don't have my paperwork. Turns out, I didn't need the paperwork nearly as much as the address. I arrive at the building around 7:20 and decide to pay the $7 to park in the underground parking facility. The line is nowhere near as long as it was before, which gives me hope that people are finally learning their lesson about driving like assholes. I doubt this is true, but for the sake of argument, let's just pretend. Unfortunately, as I later discover, less people means stiffer fines for those who're still there. So I stand in line again, and around 8:30 they let us into the building. I go to the 4th floor, to room #63 as per instructions. I stand in line at the sign that says, "Line Starts Here." I'm thinking, yey, I'm first in line. Smiling to myself and thinking that my day is going well so far, I hear this woman bark from across the hallway where she sits on a bench--obviously not where the sign is marking--and she says, "I'm first." She's black and I'm white, so obviously I'm either going to be a racist or she's going to shoot me, so I says to her, fine. Then, about three or so more people arrive and stand in line. She warns them all that she's first in line. I step out of the line to go down the hall to use the restroom (#1), and when I get back, there's like 40 people all materialized out of nowhere to take my place in line. I say fuck it, I don't want to argue. Turns out, I don't need to. We get inside the room, finally, and we take a seat, then after another bout of sitting around doing nothing, they call names. I'm like #4, well ahead of the girl who was first in line. So I win. Ha.
So we wait and wait and wait. Finally, a temporary judge (not the real thing, apparently, because the real thing was on vacation) comes out and we give our pleas. I tell him not guilty. The ticket was supposed to be $140, plus the fine for not showing up to court, which was another $200, but that should be waived if I win my trial. This wasn't trial, this was arraignment, so he says go talk to the clerk about bail. I'm thinking, wow, bail--I must really be a criminal now!
So another line (I thought I was the fourth person, now I'm back in a long line again, somehow) and finally the clerk, and the clerk tells me bail is $340. I'm like, that's sure a steep fine for a $100 ticket. They tell me that if I can't pay it (I can't, I'm as broke as I've ever been) then I have to come back in exactly seven days to tell the judge that I can't pay it. I ask why they can't just make a note to tell the judge later that I can't pay it so I don't have to go through all this trouble. She looks at me like her brain is about to esplode, so I decide to leave. I go home and think about taking a nap, but I probably just jerked off and ate a pizza. I don't remember, but that sounds pretty much like my everyday existance, so it's probably what I did. I do remember though that I certainly did not take a nap.
Skip ahead another week. My van is falling apart. I wake up around 6:15, shower and eat a cup of boysenberry yogurt. It wasn't the best yogurt I've had recently, but it wasn't bad--not like the raspberry/cranberry juice that I bought the same trip, which I had to return because it was fermented; they asked, with attitude, why I was bringing it back and I told them I came to buy juice, not wine. So I ate the yogurt, brushed the teeth and headed out the door. I found the courthouse without as much hassle as the first time, although I did drive around for about 10 minutes trying to locate the street (Hill street--I didn't know that last time, which is why it took me so long. I thought it was on Figueroa) and I find a great parking spot at a meter across the street--only 2 hours, though, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a ticket again.
I wait in line but it seems to go faster this time. Also, I feel like I recognize a lot of the people in line, and all the sudden I'm feeling like I'm in the Truman Show. I'm not, of course, but I had that weird feeling. So I get inside and remembering the last two times, I decided to buy a newspaper. I thought it might pass the time by reading about the hurricane and the ineptitude of the BushCo, but they don't have the USA today, which I like. I don't like the LA times, which they had. So I bought an iced tea in a can and went up to the fourth floor.
Again, I was pretty far up in line. No one bitched about their spots. We went in and sat down. I sat and sat and sat, then sat some more. People's names we called, they were lined up; more people came in and they were lined up. I was the fourth person in line and I was goddamn moved to the back of the goddamn bus. Pissed me off. Then the judge--a real one!--came out. He was a dick. One woman, the second person in line, gave him lip and instead of being hit with a $120 ticket, she was given over $4,000 in bail! I was like, holy shitfuck.
The line progresses quickly because the judge was efficient, but he was also a dick. I knew I was there just to tell the judge that I couldn't afford $340 bail on a $120 ticket I didn't deserve, so I figured I was going to be okay. When he asked what I'm going to plead--guilty, not guilty or no contest--I told him I plead not guilty last week. He says, "Okay, $600 bail and come back in a week." I'm like, "Huh? I came back to tell you today that I can't pay the $300 bail." He's like, "I'm not giving you any leniency--you didn't show up to court when you were supposed to." I said, "I'm not looking for leniency, I'm here to tell you I can't afford this three hundred bucks and I'm going to argue not guilty." He's looking at me like why the fuck am I still in his line. I said, "I'm following the orders, I was told to come back today. So why am I getting my fine doubled?" He tells me to get out of his line and start listening. I yell back, "I am listening, that's why I'm here today instead of at home, sleeping." He waits, unrelenting. I'm confused and furious. Finally, I'm told to leave the podium. I tell him I want to change my plea then. He says good, notates the paperwork and tells me to move on.
I leave to the clerk's place and stand in line again. It's a huge line and takes an hour to get to the window. The woman says I owe $269. I ask her to break it down for me. She does. I tell her I can't pay it. She says I've got three months. I leave and find out that, although my meter had expired at hour ago, they didn't give me a ticket. I drive home. An hour later, my boss calls and asks if I can come into work. I say sure--I'm fucking broke, I've got bills due and I don't have any money for gas or food. Although I was tired, I think I definitely needed to be here.
Later, I forget to pay the fine on time. Or I didn't pay it because I couldn't afford it. Either way, never paid.
Even laterer, after I get an apartment in Hollywood that has roaches and asshole landlords and a stink that never goes away, I get a notice warning me of my license being revoked if I don't take care of the ticket by such and such date.
Such and such date arrives, so I get up early (like 5:30 ish) and make my way to the courthouse. I park down the street at a meter and drop in a couple quarters. It's crowded with Mexicans and Black folk who aren't dressed like they're about to talk to a judge. They all look mean. I'm in line, outside this very bulky nine story building that has extravagantly used these neat little rocks to cover the entire outside, all the way around and up and waiting in line for so many hours I wondered just how many mountains were killed for this building to be dressed in a nice coat like that. Then I thought that there should be an environmental organization that works like PETA, but I realized that could never work because they couldn't get Pamela Anderson to show up on billboards wearing only rocks.
So I finally get inside and I talk to a clerk at a window and that woman asks me if I'm here to pay and I says to her, No, I'm pleading not guilty. So she sets up a date for me to arrive in court--8/30 at 8:30--easy enough to remember. So then I leave and discover the meter was up and I'm given a $45 ticket.
Skip ahead two months. I wake up early (this time, 5:45) and I go to court. I get lost because this time I don't have the address. Also, I don't have my paperwork. Turns out, I didn't need the paperwork nearly as much as the address. I arrive at the building around 7:20 and decide to pay the $7 to park in the underground parking facility. The line is nowhere near as long as it was before, which gives me hope that people are finally learning their lesson about driving like assholes. I doubt this is true, but for the sake of argument, let's just pretend. Unfortunately, as I later discover, less people means stiffer fines for those who're still there. So I stand in line again, and around 8:30 they let us into the building. I go to the 4th floor, to room #63 as per instructions. I stand in line at the sign that says, "Line Starts Here." I'm thinking, yey, I'm first in line. Smiling to myself and thinking that my day is going well so far, I hear this woman bark from across the hallway where she sits on a bench--obviously not where the sign is marking--and she says, "I'm first." She's black and I'm white, so obviously I'm either going to be a racist or she's going to shoot me, so I says to her, fine. Then, about three or so more people arrive and stand in line. She warns them all that she's first in line. I step out of the line to go down the hall to use the restroom (#1), and when I get back, there's like 40 people all materialized out of nowhere to take my place in line. I say fuck it, I don't want to argue. Turns out, I don't need to. We get inside the room, finally, and we take a seat, then after another bout of sitting around doing nothing, they call names. I'm like #4, well ahead of the girl who was first in line. So I win. Ha.
So we wait and wait and wait. Finally, a temporary judge (not the real thing, apparently, because the real thing was on vacation) comes out and we give our pleas. I tell him not guilty. The ticket was supposed to be $140, plus the fine for not showing up to court, which was another $200, but that should be waived if I win my trial. This wasn't trial, this was arraignment, so he says go talk to the clerk about bail. I'm thinking, wow, bail--I must really be a criminal now!
So another line (I thought I was the fourth person, now I'm back in a long line again, somehow) and finally the clerk, and the clerk tells me bail is $340. I'm like, that's sure a steep fine for a $100 ticket. They tell me that if I can't pay it (I can't, I'm as broke as I've ever been) then I have to come back in exactly seven days to tell the judge that I can't pay it. I ask why they can't just make a note to tell the judge later that I can't pay it so I don't have to go through all this trouble. She looks at me like her brain is about to esplode, so I decide to leave. I go home and think about taking a nap, but I probably just jerked off and ate a pizza. I don't remember, but that sounds pretty much like my everyday existance, so it's probably what I did. I do remember though that I certainly did not take a nap.
Skip ahead another week. My van is falling apart. I wake up around 6:15, shower and eat a cup of boysenberry yogurt. It wasn't the best yogurt I've had recently, but it wasn't bad--not like the raspberry/cranberry juice that I bought the same trip, which I had to return because it was fermented; they asked, with attitude, why I was bringing it back and I told them I came to buy juice, not wine. So I ate the yogurt, brushed the teeth and headed out the door. I found the courthouse without as much hassle as the first time, although I did drive around for about 10 minutes trying to locate the street (Hill street--I didn't know that last time, which is why it took me so long. I thought it was on Figueroa) and I find a great parking spot at a meter across the street--only 2 hours, though, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a ticket again.
I wait in line but it seems to go faster this time. Also, I feel like I recognize a lot of the people in line, and all the sudden I'm feeling like I'm in the Truman Show. I'm not, of course, but I had that weird feeling. So I get inside and remembering the last two times, I decided to buy a newspaper. I thought it might pass the time by reading about the hurricane and the ineptitude of the BushCo, but they don't have the USA today, which I like. I don't like the LA times, which they had. So I bought an iced tea in a can and went up to the fourth floor.
Again, I was pretty far up in line. No one bitched about their spots. We went in and sat down. I sat and sat and sat, then sat some more. People's names we called, they were lined up; more people came in and they were lined up. I was the fourth person in line and I was goddamn moved to the back of the goddamn bus. Pissed me off. Then the judge--a real one!--came out. He was a dick. One woman, the second person in line, gave him lip and instead of being hit with a $120 ticket, she was given over $4,000 in bail! I was like, holy shitfuck.
The line progresses quickly because the judge was efficient, but he was also a dick. I knew I was there just to tell the judge that I couldn't afford $340 bail on a $120 ticket I didn't deserve, so I figured I was going to be okay. When he asked what I'm going to plead--guilty, not guilty or no contest--I told him I plead not guilty last week. He says, "Okay, $600 bail and come back in a week." I'm like, "Huh? I came back to tell you today that I can't pay the $300 bail." He's like, "I'm not giving you any leniency--you didn't show up to court when you were supposed to." I said, "I'm not looking for leniency, I'm here to tell you I can't afford this three hundred bucks and I'm going to argue not guilty." He's looking at me like why the fuck am I still in his line. I said, "I'm following the orders, I was told to come back today. So why am I getting my fine doubled?" He tells me to get out of his line and start listening. I yell back, "I am listening, that's why I'm here today instead of at home, sleeping." He waits, unrelenting. I'm confused and furious. Finally, I'm told to leave the podium. I tell him I want to change my plea then. He says good, notates the paperwork and tells me to move on.
I leave to the clerk's place and stand in line again. It's a huge line and takes an hour to get to the window. The woman says I owe $269. I ask her to break it down for me. She does. I tell her I can't pay it. She says I've got three months. I leave and find out that, although my meter had expired at hour ago, they didn't give me a ticket. I drive home. An hour later, my boss calls and asks if I can come into work. I say sure--I'm fucking broke, I've got bills due and I don't have any money for gas or food. Although I was tired, I think I definitely needed to be here.
So that's one ticket that should've been really easy to take care of, but for whatever fucking reason it just wasn't. Here's the other ticket. I got this while coming home from work. My taillight was out and apparently I ran a stop sign that I never saw. Still don't think it was there, but they didn't ticket me for the stop sign, so I don't care. What they ticketed me for was no registration and a busted taillight.
So I ignore the ticket and go back to filming my movie. In one scene, the main character taps the window with a gun. I ask my actor to do this. He does, and it splinters my windshield. Over the next several weeks, this splinter grows until my window is divided in half and is nearly impossible to drive (although I tough it out and do it anyway).
So I take the van to the DMV to get it registered. I pay them $217 in back fees and whatnot, and they tell me that they can't register it until the window gets fixed. Then I go to the Beverly Hills court house to show them the temporary registration and they tell me they can't take temporary registration, and they tell me that as soon as I get my taillight fixed, I have to get it inspected by the sheriffs department downstairs. They give me two months to get everything worked out.
Then, the next week, several weeks ago, both my jobs end and I wait six weeks with no money, waiting for unemployment to unfuck themselves long enough to send me my checks. They finally come, the same week both my jobs start again.
Skip ahead several weeks. To yesterday, actually. Columbus Day. What the fuck kind of holiday is Columbus day? There should be three holidays and three holidays only--St. Patrick's Day, Halloween, New Years/New Years Eve. That's it, everything else is bullshit.
So I stay up late Sunday night schooling some friends in poker. I've been on a losing streak ever since the cult meet-up, but I finally get back in a grove. I only won $50, but at least it's something. So I get home and go to bed around 3 or so. The next morning at 8, I get a call from the guys who're supposed to come by around noon to fix my van's window. They're early. I roll off the couch and head outside. They say it'll be an hour to fix it. I say to call me when they're done and I'm going to take a nap. 30 minutes later, they wake me up again. It's done and it'll cost me $275.00. So cool, they're efficient, but fuck I'm tired. They say don't drive for at least an hour, so around 10:30 I take it up the street to these Armenian auto shop guys who say they can fix the light. I've already done what I can (check the fuse, change the bulb, etc) but it's still not working. They say it'll be a couple hours, so I walk home and go to bed. They call a couple hours later, saying it's done and it'll be $60. Not a big deal.
So I drive to the DMV to get the window inspected and get my registration, but they're fucking closed because of goddamn Columbus day. So that means I've got to go to work and not get home until 3 in the morning and then have to get up early in order to take care of all this at the very last minute (seriously legitimately not my fault, since I had no money because of the Unemployment Department). So I get up this morning and go to the DMV. I get there at 10:15. I wait in line until 10:40. The lady gives me a number and tells me to take a seat after I explain that I'm only there to get inspected, that I've already paid for everything. So I sit, and I sit and I sit, and finally at 11:35 I get called to window 17. The woman is about to leave for lunch, but she explains that I should've taken my van to the inspection station out back. I tell her that the other woman should've told me this, it would've saved me an hour. She says she agrees and tells me it's time for her to leave for lunch. I tell her I didn't see a parking area and she says it's really small and hard to spot because it doesn't have any markers. I leave and move my van around and finally find where she's talking about.
I wait another 30 minutes until I can park my van in one of the two inspection spots. The inspector checks everything out and okays it and gives me a piece of paper. I go inside, skipping all the people in line who're frowning at me and tell the clerk that she should've told me to go there first. She gives me a number and I sit down. I wait about 15 minutes until I'm called to window 12. I get my plates and I'm out of there.
The drive to Beverly Hills sucks. Traffic sucks. Most of Southern California sucks, but Santa Monica blvd. sucks the hardest. So I get there and I park as close to the courthouse/sheriffs department as I can. I go inside and go through the metal detector. One of the guys compliments my shirt.
I walk to the sheriffs department and tell her I'm here to have my taillight inspected. She tells me to move my car out back. So I leave and walk half a mile to my car and move it to where I need it, then walk back inside. Another of the security guards sees me, and jokes about my passing through the metal detectors a second time. I go to the sheriffs department and hand her my paperwork again. Once more she looks it over, then tells me she needs mt to go upstairs and get a copy of my ticket. I wonder why she didn't tell me that earlier.
I go upstairs to the DMV and wait and wait and wait in line for a clerk to put down her fucking donut and newspaper and start paying attention to the line. It's also hot because they don't pay for AC. So tell her I need my ticket. She complies. I go downstairs and give it to the sheriff's clerk. She tells me I need to go back upstairs and pay it. I tell her that I need to get the taillight ok'd before I can pay it. She says there's no mention of a taillight on the ticket. I show her on the ticket where it says something like "B/O rear - to fix" or something and I says, I'm pretty sure that's what they're talking about. She says oh, yeah, that's right, but they don't inspect taillights here. I tell her that 2 months ago I was told to come here today to have it inspected. She says she doesn't know why. I say why is there an inspection station out back if they don't inspect things. She says they just don't inspect taillights. I say how hard would it be for you to look at my taillight to prove it works. She says I need to go to some place where they do smog checks, they might also inspect taillights. I ask if she can be more specific. She says no. I tell her it's 3:30 and they close at 4:30 and I have to get this done today because yesterday I couldn't because it was Columbus fucking day and it's the last day I have on this extension. She says too damn bad. I leave the building, the decide to go talk to the DMV clerk one more time.
I pass the security guard who jokes that I just must love this stuff. I growl.
I go upstairs and tell the clerk who sent me downstairs that I just want to pay the ticket. She says I can't without getting it inspected. I tell her to look out the window and she can see my van and I'll run down stairs and tap the break lights. She says no. So I ask her if I can get an extension until tomorrow. She says no. She says I need to come back on November 8th to talk with a judge. I tell her I'm just doing what I've been told to do--go to the sheriffs department--and it's causing all this fucking headache. She says she doesn't give a flying shit. I reach over the counter and break her nose. Then I leave a comment on a card in the comment box telling them their inefficiency and incompetence is costing me money and having me run around in circles. So there.
I should point out that this fix it ticket is for THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS.
And now I'm at work and I just ate a really bad sammich.
****
UPDATE:
They do street cleanings on Wednesdays and Fridays, depending on the side of the street. I was parked on the Friday side and at 10:15 I went out to move my van. We're not allowed to park from 10 - noon, and when I got out there, the parking meter whore was on her way down the street, so I just barely escaped.
I move my van down the block after driving to a gas station to put some air in the rear right tire, which has a slow leak in it. Really slow. Then, I walk over and check my email a block away at this cafe that's really neat, and I walk back another couple blocks to my bank to transfer some funds. Then, I walk back over to my van as the street sweeper truck makes it's way down my road. By now, it's after 11, and since I've already witnessed them cleaning the street, I'm thinking it's safe to park. I get in my van and drive around the block and go inside and jerk off, then take a nap. I wake up, shower, get ready for my day and then head outside and there's a goddamn ticket on my window that's marked at 11:58--the bitch fucking watched me drive off earlier and came back to give me a ticket just before time expired, after the fucking truck already cleaned the street. What the fuck? And the number they have listed to contest the ticket doesn't have a number to press for "assfucked by the fascist street sweepers", nor do they actually have a real live person to complain to, just monotone computers.
So there goes another $45.
***
(Originally posted 10/11/2005 at www.chuckpalahniuk.net; reposted here for posterity.)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
New Travelog!: Part 2: Tooele, UT
It's Tuesday the 28th. After being snowed in in a mansion in Park City, I finally got a ride into Salt Lake. I ate some pretty good brunch at a Thai restaurant near downtown before getting a ride to a bus stop. A quick bus brought me to a transfer point that was supposed to get me on a second bus to take me out to Stansbury Park, but I waited 3 and a half hours in the cold and the wind. I talked with several operators on the phone and after very clearly letting them know my coordinates, each one told me I was waiting in the right spot and they were unsure why the bus hadn't arrived yet. Turns out, each of the six operators told me I was supposed to be on 2nd South, rather than the next street over, State Street. For their errors, I received two free bus tokens. Fucking sweet!
I was dropped off at the Old Firehouse and after struggling in the weather with my luggage, I was picked up by an older woman in a Cadilliac (thanks Mrs. Preston!???), and dropped off at my dad's house. I've been here ever since. I think today is Day 5, and it's been pretty uneventful.
The highlights:
Bumped into my Aunt Lynne at Wal-Mart. She was buying dog food and wondered why she never received an invite to Andrew's wedding.
I'm working part-time at my stepmother's office, filing 6 months worth of backed up paperwork.
I sent my script out to a producer I met at Sundance, and I'm spending my days systematically erasing all my posts from The Cult.
Bowled with my stepmom and my sister but I lost all four games. I'm blaming it on the lane being overly greased - I couldn't get my slider working to save my life. Apparently Lazer Bowling is the big teenage draw in this town.
My dad sold his pool table. We played a few rounds of chess. He bought tickets to the Jazz/Bulls game on the 9th.
Watched Jim Jarmusch's Night on Earth today as well as a French coming-of-age movie from 1975 called A Very Young Girl. Tomorrow I'm going to give Dead Man another shot after finding a place to watch the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty much counting down the days until the 10th. This place makes me lethargic. I'm not sure where I'm going from here - probably either Portland to kill some time, Seattle to babysit my stepfather while my mother recovers from surgery, or Bellingham to visit some friends. I plan on visiting all three of these cities in the next month, but in what order I'm not sure. After that, if there is still no work in LA, I'm going to take a bus to southern California and move all my crap back to Desert Hot Springs and hang tight out there, fixing up the house until my brother's wedding.
I was dropped off at the Old Firehouse and after struggling in the weather with my luggage, I was picked up by an older woman in a Cadilliac (thanks Mrs. Preston!???), and dropped off at my dad's house. I've been here ever since. I think today is Day 5, and it's been pretty uneventful.
The highlights:
Bumped into my Aunt Lynne at Wal-Mart. She was buying dog food and wondered why she never received an invite to Andrew's wedding.
I'm working part-time at my stepmother's office, filing 6 months worth of backed up paperwork.
I sent my script out to a producer I met at Sundance, and I'm spending my days systematically erasing all my posts from The Cult.
Bowled with my stepmom and my sister but I lost all four games. I'm blaming it on the lane being overly greased - I couldn't get my slider working to save my life. Apparently Lazer Bowling is the big teenage draw in this town.
My dad sold his pool table. We played a few rounds of chess. He bought tickets to the Jazz/Bulls game on the 9th.
Watched Jim Jarmusch's Night on Earth today as well as a French coming-of-age movie from 1975 called A Very Young Girl. Tomorrow I'm going to give Dead Man another shot after finding a place to watch the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty much counting down the days until the 10th. This place makes me lethargic. I'm not sure where I'm going from here - probably either Portland to kill some time, Seattle to babysit my stepfather while my mother recovers from surgery, or Bellingham to visit some friends. I plan on visiting all three of these cities in the next month, but in what order I'm not sure. After that, if there is still no work in LA, I'm going to take a bus to southern California and move all my crap back to Desert Hot Springs and hang tight out there, fixing up the house until my brother's wedding.
Monday, January 28, 2008
New Travelog!: Part 1: Sundance '08
Prologue: Due to the WGA strike I'm having no luck finding work in LA. I've been without a job since mid-December and I was turned down for unemployment because there was a mistake in the paperwork, and because so many people are out of work right now, it's even more difficult to get someone on the phone, which, in the best case scenario, is pretty damn tough. So my options are as such: Spend my last couple hundred bucks on one more months worth of rent and hope a job materializes or take my last couple hundred bucks and hit the road, travel around for a few months, and return when there are jobs to be had.
As I talk with my roommate about happiness and the future and what we can do to better ourselves as people and whatnot, I received a text from a friend from high school wondering if I'd be interested in flying out to Park City to volunteer at this year's Sundance Film Festival.
Although I grew up in Utah, I vowed to never go to Sundance until I had something showing. But this felt different. The idea really stuck, and I mulled it over for a couple hours before deciding to go ahead and fly out.
I was working on a friend's film through the end of the weekend so I bought a ticket on Jetblue for Monday night. The flight was delayed two hours, and I spent $14 for a burger that was prepared wrong twice before finally understanding that I don't want onions and pickles. I'd forgotten my laptop charger, and I hardly had any cold weather clothes. When I left LA it was probably 60 degrees. In Salt Lake the temperature was in the single digits.
My dad picked me up from the airport and drove up the canyon to Park City. I had a bed in a condo that was shared between myself, my friend Heidi, and 7 of her friends. Out of habit and out of not wanting to crawl up a skeezy looking ladder when I arrived home at 2 am every night, I slept on the couch down stairs. After signing in at the Volunteer Villa, I was given a Sundance '08 jacket, scarf, beanie and vest. If it weren't for my shoes, I'd be all ready for winter and the -5 degree temperature that I walked home in that night.
I worked at the Holiday Theater tent, selling tickets to impatient tourists and imputing data into a computer. I was told I'd be on the morning shift which would allow me a chance to see more movies at night and possibly get into some of the parties, but instead I was moved to the night shift. Because of this, I wasn't able to see two of the films I really wanted to check out - Michael Haneke's Funny Games (the remake of his own Austrian film from 1997) and Gonzo, the documentary about nutjob journalist Hunter S. Thompson.
Other movies I enjoyed were the Spanish language film Sleep Dealers, a sci-fi flick about a kid from a small Mexican village who leaves home after the death of his father by a Corporate Army hired to keep aqua-terrorist from harming the company's water supply. Although it was a low budget movie (I can't imagine it had more than a million bucks), it was so well put together. I walked out of the movie thinking it was the best writing, best editing and best directing I've seen in a long time, and I haven't been this impressed with special effects in a film since the original Matrix. It won the best screenplay award at the festival, along with the sci-fi award.
I only caught two documentaries, although there were several I wanted to see. The first (and the better of the pair) was Roman Polanski: Wanted & Desired. Very well put together, it was able to get into the reasons why he did what he did, although it (rightfully) doesn't excuse him from the crime he committed. It spent quite a bit of time focusing on the judge in the trial, and there was a lot of effort in showing various angles and points of view. Definitely worth checking out if you're a fan of Polanski, or if you love documentaries.
The other doc I caught was Where in the World is Osama bin Laden?, which I'm torn about. I think the film is one that everyone needs to see but there is a lot I don't like about it. First, it's going to shoot itself in the foot during it's marketing campaign. I'm convinced it'll be presented to the 18-35 year old market as kind of a Dawg the Bountyhunter hunts down Osama bin Laden, which obviously pique a lot of interest, but the truth is the movie is less about Osama bin Laden and more about the way various peoples in the Middle East view Americans and American foreign policy.
Using bin Laden as the reason to visit various countries, Spurlock never intends to discover where the terrorist is hiding. Every mention of bin Laden bit could very well have been removed from the movie and it would have been more profound, although the audiences wouldn't turn out en masse, so I guess it's a trade off he wasn't willing to settle on. The other major turn off for the movie is the use of goofy cartoony videogame sequences to seque one scene to another, and the dumbest opening movie sequence I've seen in a long time. All of this is for one reason - to get young audiences into the theaters.
Again, I think it's a documentary that everyone should watch, but I think this is going to turn off a lot of people and I'm not convinced flashy CGI fight scenes between a 9 foot ninja bin Laden and Morgan Spurlock is necessarily going to resonate with today's youth.
Using bin Laden as the reason to visit various countries, Spurlock never intends to discover where the terrorist is hiding. Every mention of bin Laden bit could very well have been removed from the movie and it would have been more profound, although the audiences wouldn't turn out en masse, so I guess it's a trade off he wasn't willing to settle on. The other major turn off for the movie is the use of goofy cartoony videogame sequences to seque one scene to another, and the dumbest opening movie sequence I've seen in a long time. All of this is for one reason - to get young audiences into the theaters.
Again, I think it's a documentary that everyone should watch, but I think this is going to turn off a lot of people and I'm not convinced flashy CGI fight scenes between a 9 foot ninja bin Laden and Morgan Spurlock is necessarily going to resonate with today's youth.
Other noteworthy films were Frozen River, which I saw because I'd written a role for Mark Boone Jr. in my script A MILLION SHADES OF WHITE, and he had a small part in this as a French Canadian strip club owner cum human trafficker. It was good - deserving of it's audience award, for sure - but it will probably resonate with female audience members more than it will the guys. The acting was top notch, the directing was steady throughout, there were some great cinematic moments, and the entire situation seems plausible, which makes it even more heartbreaking.
One of the three movies I intended to see was Choke, written by Fight Club author Chuck Palahniuk and starring Sam Rockwell and Anjelica Houston. I was a bit frightened when I noticed the film was less than 90 minutes long, but it was funny (which is good 'cuz it's a comedy) and most of the cast did a great job (it won an award for best ensemble cast) although I thought both the leading females were the weak part of the film, along with some issues with the low budget. Mostly I would've liked better sets and more creative camera work. Also, the way the flashbacks transitioned in and out of the film was abrasive.
Script writer/director Clark Gregg (photo <----) did an outstanding job adapting the novel and he didn't flinch at some of the more perverse and obnoxious elements of the book. It's a testament to his script that I can't really think of anything that was missing from the book and I enjoyed the few things he added, such as the interview scene before the fake-rape. Funny, but probably not for everybody.I'm a little disappointed at the amount of drinking I was able to accomplish, but we did have a party in our condo the second to last night, in celebration of one of the roommate's 27th birthday. He was kind of a douche, but his mother was nice. The party wound down around 3 am when he decided to go to bed and told us it was his party so he was allowed to tell us when it was over. I arrived late due to work, but it seems like everyone who came (probably around 30 people or so) brought a bottle of wine to go with our already pretty impressive alcohol collection. We had plenty left over the next night, although we did our best to finish it off before the festival ended.
As the festival was winding down we were hit with a major storm that closed off portions of the freeway and stranded us in Park City for an extra couple of days. My friend Heidi - who has been working at the festival since we graduated in '98 - has a friend whose father owned a house in the area, so we crashed there. And by house, I mean full blown mansion. There must've been a dozen rooms, each with their own bathrooms. A sauna (which I couldn't turn on), a gym, a wine room, a nifty hot tub - and a kitchen with 4 ice cream scoops, two microwaves and two stoves! Anyway, the first night it was just the three of us, and it was pretty tame. After they went to sleep, I explored the house and drank bourbon and Coke.
The second night started out a bit different. Four more of Heidi's friends showed up - all women - and we sat around drinking and playing Scattegories. As the ratio of guys:girls was 6:1, I knew I wouldn't be getting laid (with those odds, nobody's getting nothing). We drank a lot and one by one people left to go to bed until again I was left alone. I finished the bourbon and went to sleep.
The next morning, I caught a ride down the mountain with a couple of the girls from the night before, and now I'm here at my dad's place trying to figure out where to go next. My brother is getting married in April, so I figure that's a good time to return to LA. Until then, I'll keep moving and keep posting.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
New Someone Else's Idea!: Urine Testing
I don't typically pass along other people's bulletins or posts, but a friend sent me this and I agree with it for the most part.
***
Like a lot of folks in this country, I have a job.
I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.
In order to get that paycheck some employers require employees to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass, and buy dope and booze with my hard earned money.
Could you imagine how much money the government would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
***
Like a lot of folks in this country, I have a job.
I work, they pay me.
I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.
In order to get that paycheck some employers require employees to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass, and buy dope and booze with my hard earned money.
Could you imagine how much money the government would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
Friday, October 19, 2007
New Rant!: Eli Roth is an Idiot & His Movies Suck
According to IMDb.com, "Filmmaker Eli Roth is furious his movie Hostel: Part II has become the most downloaded film of all time. The horror director claims that not only was it downloaded by millions of people, but in countries where piracy is particularly widespread, the film didn't even have a theatrical release. He says, "I'm furious. Here's the thing: It's real money. People say, 'Oh, you can't get mad at people downloading.' Well then, when are you supposed to get mad? If you don't speak out against it now, then when?" And Roth has pinpointed his target movie audience as being the very persons responsible for the majority of downloads. He adds, "The audience that's specifically doing (the downloading) is 17, 18, 19 - it's the college kids, and that's my audience. If the fans are going to get pissed (at me), they're going to get pissed. I don't want those fans.""
Here's the thing, Eli Roth makes really dumb movies. Really dumb, bad movies that are lucky to receive an R-rating*. They're really dumb, really bad and really, really not for kids. And they suck. And he admits his target audience isn't even legally old enough to watch the movies he's making and marketing to them. What the hell? Can't we bring up charges or something? Can't we throw him in jail for seducing minors into the theater to watch really bad, really dumb torture porn that sucks? I'm not sure about anyone else but let's throw him in jail so we don't have to sit through all the Hostel: Part 3 ads next summer. I say the next best thing would be let's all of us download his movies all the time until he decides he can't make enough money to continue making really bad, really dumb movies that suck which are intended to be seen by young, impressionable kids.
* On a side note I suspect the only reason Hostel: Part 2 recieved an R rather than an NC-17 is because the movie industry is desperate for a profit, so instead of making better, more interesting movies or cutting back on the price of tickets, sodas, parking, hot dogs or bottled water, they decided to lower their standards to allow this crap to reach the theaters. Not that I'm for censuring artist visions but c'mon, did you see this shit? If some dumbshit parents wanted to bring their 5 year old kid to the theater there isn't a law in place to stop them. T&A = Bad. Torture Porn? OK.
Here's the thing, Eli Roth makes really dumb movies. Really dumb, bad movies that are lucky to receive an R-rating*. They're really dumb, really bad and really, really not for kids. And they suck. And he admits his target audience isn't even legally old enough to watch the movies he's making and marketing to them. What the hell? Can't we bring up charges or something? Can't we throw him in jail for seducing minors into the theater to watch really bad, really dumb torture porn that sucks? I'm not sure about anyone else but let's throw him in jail so we don't have to sit through all the Hostel: Part 3 ads next summer. I say the next best thing would be let's all of us download his movies all the time until he decides he can't make enough money to continue making really bad, really dumb movies that suck which are intended to be seen by young, impressionable kids.
* On a side note I suspect the only reason Hostel: Part 2 recieved an R rather than an NC-17 is because the movie industry is desperate for a profit, so instead of making better, more interesting movies or cutting back on the price of tickets, sodas, parking, hot dogs or bottled water, they decided to lower their standards to allow this crap to reach the theaters. Not that I'm for censuring artist visions but c'mon, did you see this shit? If some dumbshit parents wanted to bring their 5 year old kid to the theater there isn't a law in place to stop them. T&A = Bad. Torture Porn? OK.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
New Rant!: Rush Has it Backwards.
Someone should let Rush Limbaugh know he has it backwards - it's not phony troops in a real war, it's real troops in a real war being fought for phony reasons.
Friday, August 10, 2007
New Rant!: Professional Performance Enhancers
Here's the thing: I don't really care who puts what in their body to make themselves a better athlete. Sports aren't that important. Especially baseball. Baseball is (supposedly) entertaining, and its entertaining to see records broken. The same people who get pissed off because performance enhancers are destroying the "purity of the sport" are the people who are popping Viagra to enhance their own performance. Sports haven't been pure since the day they started paying people to play, so the way I see it we should do one of two things: either allow everyone to do whatever they can to make themselves better at their given sport to make the game more entertaining for the rest of us, or take away anything that enhances the natural performance (human growth hormone, steroids, Gatorade, Powerbars...), and make the game like it used to be, which is to say, probably as entertaining as soccer or golf. So long as all professional athletes have access to the same performance enhancing drugs, then it's all fair in my book.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
New Rant!: $2.2B Burning a Hole in My Pocket.
What would you do if you had $2.2 billion dollars? Would you pay teachers better? Dispense the money back to taxpayers to spend it how they wish? (It's enough for a $6 bacon guacamole burger from Carl's Jr. for every man, woman & child in America!) Maybe you'd fix some potholes or help save an endangered species. How about getting some quality armor for soldiers?
Or...
Would you build a nuclear-powered attack submarine and name it after your home state? (In this case, Texas.)
Me? I’d buy a country, for sure. I’m fairly certain you can find a half-way decent fixer-upper for around a billion. I'd invest the other billion into upgrading it, and put a big goddamn wall around it. Then, I'd bring in a Starbucks. And with the last .2 billion dollars (however much that is) I could, you know, get a couple kegs of PBR and some strippers and invite everyone over to watch reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos.
Or...
Would you build a nuclear-powered attack submarine and name it after your home state? (In this case, Texas.)
Me? I’d buy a country, for sure. I’m fairly certain you can find a half-way decent fixer-upper for around a billion. I'd invest the other billion into upgrading it, and put a big goddamn wall around it. Then, I'd bring in a Starbucks. And with the last .2 billion dollars (however much that is) I could, you know, get a couple kegs of PBR and some strippers and invite everyone over to watch reruns of America's Funniest Home Videos.
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