New Brilliant Idea!: Jesus Christ (c) Butter

"Try Jesus Christ (c) Butter and Praise the Lard."

New Someone Else's Idea!: Urine Testing

I don't typically pass along other people's bulletins or posts, but a friend sent me this and I agree with it for the most part.

***

Like a lot of folks in this country, I have a job.
I work, they pay me.

I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as they see fit.

In order to get that paycheck some employers require employees to pass a random urine test, which I have no problem with.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check, because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.

I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sit on their ass, and buy dope and booze with my hard earned money.

Could you imagine how much money the government would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

New List!: Best Music of 2007

I haven't paid much attention to albums released this year, but here's a really small and completely non-comprehensive list of some of the albums I've been listening to recently:

Best Posthumous Album: Elliott Smith - "New Moon"
Best Return to Alt. Country: Wilco - "Sky Blue Sky"
Best Album By Cute Lesbian Canadian Twin Sisters: Tegan & Sara - "The Con"
Best Good Job Doing Something Completely Different: Iron & Wine - "The Shepherd's Dog"
Best God How I Miss the '90s Album: Smashing Pumpkins - "Zeitgeist"

New List!: Stanley Kubrick Films

My favorite on down the line:

2001: A Space Odyssey
Paths of Glory
Full Metal Jacket
Eyes Wide Shut

Lolita
The Shining
Sparticus
Barry Lyndon
The Killing
A Clockwork Orange
Dr. Strangelove Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying & Love the Bomb

Killer's Kiss

I'm pretty sure I'd ad AI toward the top of this list if he'd stayed alive along enough to finish it.

New List!: Wes Anderson Films

In order of bestness, top to bottom:

The Royal Tenenbaums
The Darjeeling Limited
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Rushmore
Bottle Rocket

New Brilliant Idea!: Home Alone 4: Home Alone - In Space

As the first ever astronaut family begins their descent toward earth, they realize they've left Kevin behind yet again!. It's all space-fun and space-games for the 42 year old Macauly Culkin until
alien-Harry and alien-Marv show up expecting the joint to be empty....

New Goodies!: Bumperstickers

Now with more colors!

New Brilliant Idea!: HolySpirit Laxatives (c)

HolySpirit Laxatives (c) - "When you're stuck let the Spirit move you."

New Story Idea!: The Dick and Dyke Show

Annoyingly fruity and cliched gay dude marries charming but abrasive hardcore manhating dyke in order to stop their families from asking too many questions. She's abusive and in the end gets arrested for a hate crime. Starring Hilary Swank as the She-Dude and David Hyde Pierce as the Man-Wife.

New Rant!: Eli Roth is an Idiot & His Movies Suck

According to IMDb.com, "Filmmaker Eli Roth is furious his movie Hostel: Part II has become the most downloaded film of all time. The horror director claims that not only was it downloaded by millions of people, but in countries where piracy is particularly widespread, the film didn't even have a theatrical release. He says, "I'm furious. Here's the thing: It's real money. People say, 'Oh, you can't get mad at people downloading.' Well then, when are you supposed to get mad? If you don't speak out against it now, then when?" And Roth has pinpointed his target movie audience as being the very persons responsible for the majority of downloads. He adds, "The audience that's specifically doing (the downloading) is 17, 18, 19 - it's the college kids, and that's my audience. If the fans are going to get pissed (at me), they're going to get pissed. I don't want those fans.""

Here's the thing, Eli Roth makes really dumb movies. Really dumb, bad movies that are lucky to receive an R-rating*. They're really dumb, really bad and really, really not for kids. And they suck. And he admits his target audience isn't even legally old enough to watch the movies he's making and marketing to them. What the hell? Can't we bring up charges or something? Can't we throw him in jail for seducing minors into the theater to watch really bad, really dumb torture porn that sucks? I'm not sure about anyone else but let's throw him in jail so we don't have to sit through all the Hostel: Part 3 ads next summer. I say the next best thing would be let's all of us download his movies all the time until he decides he can't make enough money to continue making really bad, really dumb movies that suck which are intended to be seen by young, impressionable kids.


* On a side note I suspect the only reason Hostel: Part 2 recieved an R rather than an NC-17 is because the movie industry is desperate for a profit, so instead of making better, more interesting movies or cutting back on the price of tickets, sodas, parking, hot dogs or bottled water, they decided to lower their standards to allow this crap to reach the theaters. Not that I'm for censuring artist visions but c'mon, did you see this shit? If some dumbshit parents wanted to bring their 5 year old kid to the theater there isn't a law in place to stop them. T&A = Bad. Torture Porn? OK.