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Monday, August 25, 2008

New Band!: (cli)Che Geuvara

(cli)Ché Geuvara is preparing for our first national tour! Our band attire will be Castro hats and Commie-green jackets with black boots and blah green military fatigues adorned with left-leaning political buttons. We will sing our folk-rock anthems with background Buddhist love chanting. Our fiddles and violins will be in drop D tuning* and on tour we will stick to fucking only pseudo-intellectual hippie chicks. We will tour the county singing for art fags and retirees in bourgeois cafes and old folks homes. Our albums will be sold online for whatever price you're willing to pay (+ $5.99 shipping and handling) and our songs will bring joy and unity to breadlines across the nation.

Keep an eye out for us in a town square near you!

(* Now accepting applications for tandem tamborinists and a classically trained, acid jazz-influenced harmonica player. Please see our official website for details.)

Friday, August 22, 2008

New Rant!: Middle America's Guide to Being Patriotic

Middle America's Guide to Being a Patriot

Step 1: Surround yourself with American flags. On your clothes, on your envelopes, on your toilet paper. Doesn't matter, just whatever you do, do it more than anyone else and make sure everyone knows it.

Step 2: Be related to people who were or are currently in the military. (Note: It it not necessary for you yourself to have ever served. Military service by proxy is good enough.)

Step 3: Be white, Christian, Republican, poor, and willfully ignorant. It also helps to be third generation American or better.

Step 4: Forward Anti-Obama spam messages quickly, often and with zero regard for who you or are forwarding them to.

And there you have it, the four easy steps to being a true patriot and a good American.